Sooo... I am exhausted... I don't sleep anymore... And when I do it is in short snipets... Why? Oh you know - compliments of the VA
Now don't get me wrong... I have had issues sleeping since late 2007 when my husband's nightmare took it as far as to punch me in the back of the head so hard it gave me a concussion that lasted two and a half weeks. Since then I am extremely hyper-vigilant at night... I spend over half the night trying to keep him calm because his nightmare meds don't do anything...
So why is this the 5th time I am up since 10:30 last night... Oh you know, because he was thrashing in his sleep so hard that I was trying to rub his arm and he rolled over so quick onto mine that it was starting to hurt, so I gave him a little push to get him off... sometimes he'll just roll over... Nope not this time... Full blown disassociative, totally not here, PTSD episode... Attacking his armoire that is on the side of the bed...
So I did what any good wife (who is running off of like 2 hours of sleep) would do... I told him I hope he breaks his hand... That is right... I was seriously hoping he would so he would "wake up" from it... Maybe the pain would be too much and he would snap out of it...
So why now? Oh that is an easy one... About a month ago (last week in August) he was acting off... WAY more depressed than I was comfortable with. So I told him I thought it would do him some good to spend some time on the mental ward... he agreed... Now - this was the WORST week to do it... it was the children's first week of school... but I need my husband to be "OK" for the most part. And I knew they would play with his medication and adjust it so it would put him in the "right" place again...
So 8 days later... I FINALLY get to pick him up, and I was REALLY happy to be bringing him home... I LOVE him so... Within an hour of being home, my 16 year old told him he needed to stop yelling he had been home less than hour... Within 3-4 hours the 8 year old told me she wanted me to take him back to the hospital, and at bedtime the 6 year old told me that he didn't want Papa here... Yup, definitely didn't bring home nearly the same man...
Not don't get me wrong... My husband has had issues with impulse controls and is a not so nice person a lot of the time... but this was like he was on NO medication... Turns out that they took him off 6 medications (basically all of his anti-asshole inhibitors/ mood moderators)... you know the ones that made him at least a bit manageable. So basically I have a husband who puts us back to late 2006, NOT on any medication... it's literally like he is back at square one...
SO THANK YOU Houston VA... I really wish that these people would give two shits and a giggle about my husband... Psychiatry appointment today... hopefully we can get some kind of adjustments to his meds... This not sleeping thing is getting old and SERIOUSLY taking a toll on my body...
I guess I am tired of being Just the wife... Just the Mama
Friday, September 20, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
101 Goals in 1001 days - Updated 9/18/2013
So jumping in on this bandwagon... There are so many things I
want to do and accomplish... I guess this is the PERFECT way to keep me
accountable. Other than #1... they are in no particular order...
101 in 1001 Days Bucket
List
The Mission:Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past – frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
The Start Date:
2/1/13
The End Date:
10/30/15
Goals in progress are italicized in purple, goals completed are bolded in red, goals highlighted are completely done
Here it goes:
1 - Lose 100 pounds...
truly my #1 goal!!!
Gearing up to see some
specialists
2 - Drink 100oz of water a day... don't get me wrong... I don't like water and intend to put fresh lemon each and every time...
I'm working my way
up... I'm getting there
3 - Head to Washington DC and get my Slovenian passport... Gotta make my dual citizenship,
you know, real...
4 - Have a "date" at least twice a month... it is good for me to communicate with my friends and keep me in the realities of life... These can be on the phone...
Sara Shaw on 2/6/134 - Have a "date" at least twice a month... it is good for me to communicate with my friends and keep me in the realities of life... These can be on the phone...
Heather Litz - 2/20/13
Lisa Kronke - 3/14/13
Caysi Bull - 3/15/2013
Caysi Bull - 4/12/2013
Torrey Shannon - 4/16/2013
Lisa Pelletier - 5/14/2013
Lisa Pelletier - 5/15/2013
Summer Tiani - 6/7/2013
Torrey Shannon - 6/24/2013
Kristi Seidel - 7/26/2013
Kristi Seidel - 7/27/2013
Torrey Shannon - 8/6/2013
Torrey Shannon - 8/7/2013
Torrey Shannon - 8/6/2013
Torrey Shannon - 8/7/2013
5 - Go to Portland, Maine and visit April...
6 - Get the wisdom tooth that is literally only half there pulled... after 3 1/2 years... I think it is time to actively start working on this...
It was done on March 26,
2013
7 - Quit... soda... OK... I said it... I am going to QUIT SODA!!!
I have been soda free
since 2/1/13, I quit caffeine from February 13, 2013 through March 30th for
Lent… Quit caffeine again on September 18, 2013
8 - Build a toy holder
for Devlin... Devlin proof...
9 - Build a toy holder
for Isabella... again... Devlin proof...
10 - Paint the inside
of the house...
11 - Spend a weekend
with one of my children individually twice a year. So start with Isabella
(February 2013)... Then Anastasia (March 2013)... Then Devlin...
Isabella - 2/8/13 - 2/9/13
(Mother/ Daughter camping weekend - Had to leave early due to weather
conditions... so I am going to make up a day with her) April 6th - Isabella and
I will be going to the American Doll Store
Anastasia - 3/1/13 -
3/3/13 (Choir trip to Dallas - Medieval Times, Six Flags)
Devlin - May 18th...
Lego KidsFest
12 - Have at least 1
date with Richard every odd month (11-Jan, 03-Mar, 10-May, July, September,
November)...
Went Shooting... 3/19/2013
Go Kart Racing... 5/13/2013
Wicked... 7/11/2013
Movies... 9/23/2013
Secret... 11/8/2013
13 - Read 100 books at
MINIMUM...
Not including all the
books I have read since the start of the year... here is what I have finished
SINCE 2/1/13:
1 - Vampire Diaries - The
Hunters V 2: Shadow Souls
2 - Vampire Diaries - The
Hunters V 3: Destiny Rising
3 - The Secret Circle -
The Initiation
4 - The Secret Circle -
The Captive Part I
5 - The Secret Circle -
The Captive Part II
6 - The Secret Circle -
The Power
7 - Thirst No. 1 - The
Last Vampire
8 - Thirst No. 1 - Black
Blood
9 - Thirst No. 1 - Red
Dice
10 - Thirst No. 2 -
Phantom
11 - Thirst No. 2 -
Evil Thirst
12 - Thirst No. 2 -
Creatures of Forever
13 - Thirst No. 3 - The
Eternal Dawn
14 - Thirst No. 4 - The Shadow of Death
15 - House of Night - Marked - 1
16 - House of Night -Betrayed - 2
17 - House of Night - Chosen - 3
18 - House of Night -
Untamed - 4
19 - The Casting
Trilogy - Blood Ties
20 - House of Night -
Hunted - 5
21 - House of Night -
Tempted - 6
22 - House of Night - Burned - 7
23 - House of Night -
Awakened
24 - House of Night -
Destined
25 - House of Night –
Hidden
26 – Fifty Shades of
Grey
27 - Fifty Shades
Darker
28 - Fifty Shades Freed
29 - The Secret Circle:
The Hunt
30 - Night World 1
31 - Night World 2
32 - Night World 3
33 - The Casting
Trilogy - Deep Water
34 - The Casting
Trilogy - Full Circle
14 - Plant and GROW
watermelon in our garden...
The heat killed it...
This may be a lost cause here
15 - Go to Colorado
for at least two weeks in the winter... HELLO TORREY!!!
16 - Go to the gym at least 1 time per week...
Going to start in October
17 - Go swimming at
least 1 time per week...
7/17/2013 - Community Pool
7/18/2013 - Lifetime
7/26/2013 - Moody Garden's
18 - Have a lunch/ dinner date at least once a month with a friend...
February 2013 - Debbie
Shultz (12th) - Chili's
March 2013 - Kristi Seidel
(13th) - Hibatchi Japanese Steakhouse
April 2013 - LeAnne
Bass (2nd) - Lupe Tortilla's
May 2013 - Allyson
Davis (29th) - Lupe Tortilla's
Kristi Seidel (30th) -
Carrabas
June 2013 - Allyson
Davis (25th) - Tea Party
July 2013 - Kristi
Seidel (22nd) - Los Cucos (movie - Grownups 2)
August 2013 - Kristi Seidel (24th) - La Madeline
September 2013 - Kristi Seidel (1st) - Five Guys
August 2013 - Kristi Seidel (24th) - La Madeline
September 2013 - Kristi Seidel (1st) - Five Guys
19 - Learn to scrapbook...
After helping me get all
my crafting and scrapbooking items in order, on April
5, 2013 - Kristi Seidel
taught me how to scrapbook
20 - Complete the
Financial Peace University
School
time is a better time to start that
21 - Teach Isabella
and Devlin the Financial Peace Junior...
We've started the Give,
Save, and Spend piggies... they are doing well with it...
Decided that they will
do it during Christmas break...
22 - Save at LEAST
$10,000-... This is a pretty big goal for me too
As of 1/1/2014 I
will have $550-
23 - Travel to Colorado to spend some girl time with Torrey... having FUN the next go around... just me...
24 - Donate at least 12 inches of hair to Locks of Love... This is going to come towards the end... most likely at the last minute...
25 - Save $10,000 couponing...
Up to
$3350.28 as of September 18, 2013
26 - Take a walk
around the lake at least 3 times a week...
4/5/13 - Walk with Casidy
Lee - 1.971 miles
4/12/13 - Walk with
Casidy Lee - 3.33 miles
4/14/13 - Walk with
Family - 2.733 miles
4/18/13 - Walk with
Cassidy Lee - 2.62 miles
4/19/13 - Walk with
Casidy Lee - 2.588 miles
4/20/13 - Walk with Brownies - 1.192 miles
4/21/13 - Walk with
Family - 1.473 miles
5/18/13 - Walk with Impact a Hero - 2.09 miles
27 - Work on my book
at least 3 days a week... at an hour each time...
28 - Work on my blog
at least once a month... I know it isn't as much as others... but it needs to
be realistic for me...
February 22, 2013 -
Competency and the VA
March 19, 2013 - Gunpowder
an Lead... or Anxiety... Same Thing, Right?
April 1, 2013 - It's My
Life... It's Now or Never...
May 28, 2013 - Is it a
Tornado? Is it a Hurricane? Nah, it's just the whirlwind of life...
June 27, 2013 - Battling
the VA CGC
July 31, 2013 - NO... You
can't have my power
August 31, 2013 - Back to School
29 - Make an extra house payment at least once a year...
30 - Go snow skiing for the first time...
31 - Buy a really cute
bathing suit to go with my new body...
32 - Go to Tommy's
wedding in Ohio... in July 2013...
Sadly, we missed it
33 - Go to Washington
DC to speak on "The Hill" about the Caregiver Stipend and PTSD
34 - Get my memorial
tattoo for my Mama... which is ironic since she didn't like tattoos on me...
35 - I'm going to copy
the BEAUTIFUL Torrey Shannon on this one... Send 200 cards of gratitude/
positive words and thinking about you, to people that have made an absolute
difference in something that pertains to my life... I am hoping to make them
using my Cricut...
1 - Torrey Shannon
2 - Jacqueline Zwisler
3 - Karen Ramirez
4 - Kristi Seidel
5 - Tania Ewing
6 - Meghann Brodeur
7- Caysi Bull
8 - Babi and Dedek
Crepinsek
9 - Meta Crepinsek
10 - Teresa Carpenter
11 - Sonia Flores
12 - Kathy Lovelett
13 - Alison King
14 - Lisa Pelletier
15 - Robert Strauss
16 - Joanne Strauss
17 - Debbie Shultz
18 - Julie Webb
19 - Tim Ewing
20 - Wendy Bloomquist
21 - Merry and Rick
Starkey
22 - Crystal Johnson
23 - Laura Yi
24 - Julie Wright
25 - Amber Young
26 - Alex Wilhelm
27 - Jessica
Montgomery
28 - Erin Dahan
29 - Holly Rindorf
30 - April Marcum
31 - Tara Halvorson
32 - Nadine Clinard
33 - Ferrin
Smithhisler
34 - Stephen Holley II
35 - Rene' Granata
36 - Erica and Vince
Delperdang
37 - Shayla Klytta
38 - Joan Millar
39 - Heather Strange
40 - Rene van der
Weide
36 -
Pay for someone's order behind me in the line at Starbucks...
So it wasn't Starbucks...
But I did pay for someone's food behind me at
Chick Fil-A ($12.38 on
2/13/2013)
I did it again at Chick
Fil-A on 2/15/13 for $10.57
37 - Make 10 craft ideas off Pinterest (SO stole that one too from Torrey)...
38 - Learn to make the
soup noodles that my Mama use to make...
39 - Learn to make
apple struddle...
40 - Surprise a friend,
out of state, with a visit for at least a couple of days...
41 - Take a family
picture that I can be proud of (with me looking good in it)...
42 - FINALLY make my message in a bottle... I have had
the bottles for YEARS!!!
On April 29, 2013 I threw
my bottle into the Hood Canal in Union, WA... from the dock of the Alderbrook
Resort. On May 2, 2013 I was contacted by Steven Weschler of Hoodsport, WA that
he and his wife found it on the shores, and now look forward to making their
own message in the bottle!!!
43 - Find someone out
of state that wants to send letters and fun things back and forth... I need
inspiring and loving words of encouragement... yay to pen pals... Anyone?
Since Nicole DeLoach
volunteered... I have started...
1 - April 1, 2013
44 - Start a support group for wives of wounded warriors in my local area...
In the works... Let you
know when I have more information to give
45 - Work with a non-profit and volunteer with them...
See #44
46 - Take a "ME" trip...
I went to Seattle, WA
from April 24th - May 1st!!! I enjoyed the peace and quiet... solitude... and
regeneration time... I recommend EVERYONE to do this. It was AMAZING!!!
47 - Go HOME at least
once a year...
October 2013 is my
goal...
48 -
Learn to shoot a gun (the one time I have ever shot a gun doesn't count as
learning)...
3/19/2013 - I shot a Glock
19, 9mm
4/24/2013 - I shot a
Heckler Koch, .45; Smith & Wesson, .45; and a Springfield 1911, 9mm
49 - Fire a shotgun... or a rifle... at a target NOT a living animal
50 - Send my
brother-in-law, Tim, a care package at LEAST once a month... while he is
deployed...
February 15, 2013 - Box
1& 2
March 20, 2013 - Box
3& 4 (AND 4 cases of Girl Scout Cookies!!!)
May 2, 2013 - Box 5
& 6 - Richard forgot to mail them for me while I was gone...
May - My sister
informed me not to send any boxes this month due to address changes - He got
home May 22, 2013!!!
51 - Participate in Project 365 and actually complete it!!!
52 - Encourage someone
to participate in 101 in 1001...
Why is no one doing it?
53 - Write my children "love letters"... 1 per year... to be kept safe for a unknown future date
Anastasia - October
2013
Isabella - October 2013
Devlin - October 2013
54 - Make Isabella a
pillowcase dress...
55 - Complete a 5K
run... If you know how broken I am... this is actually a feat for me...
February 2014 – Jail Break 5K
56 - Teach Isabella
and Devlin to ride a bicycle... without training wheels...
57 - Have Isabella and Devlin swimming independently...
I am proud to say that on July 17th, my
children would go down the slide and then swim to the edge of the pool all on
their own... They continue to amaze me with their strength... It may not be
picture perfect stokes... but they are doing it and it is a start!!!
58 - Perform two
random acts of kindness a year for someone I care about (whether a little or a
lot)...
April Hawks - March 2013
Mariah Shannon - March
2013 - She is here because I did something and I do not even know her
Torrey Shannon - April
2013
Mariah Shannon - April
2013
59 - Create business cards just for me...
DONE!!! They look good, at
least I think so... 2-14-2013
60 - Renew my American passport...
61 - Pay off the Suburban...
62 - Once a month cuddle in my bed and enjoy a family movie night with my husband and three kids... eating ice cream and popcorn...
2-17-2013 - Peter Pan
3-30-2013 - The Guardians
4-20-2013 - Nanny
McPhee
5-24-2013 - Tangled
June - Harry Potter (years 1 - 7)
July 5, 2013 - ParaNorman
August 31, 2013 - Transformers
August 31, 2013 - Transformers
63 - Color an ENTIRE coloring book... Natasha style...
64 - Watch the 10
greatest movies ever made...
According
to http://www.imdb.com/chart/top... This is what they are... I
thought it would be Casablanca and what
not
1 - Shawshank Redemption
2 - The Godfather
3 - The Godfather, Part II
4 - Pulp Fiction
5 - The Good, the Bad,
and the Ugly
6 - 12 Angry Men
7 - The Dark Knight
8 - Schindler's List
9 - The Lord of the
Rings: The Return of the King
10 - Fight Club
65 - Save ALL my coin
change...
As of 9/5/2013 - I am
up to $126.38
66 - Visit the Munster Mansion in Waxahachie, TX
67 - Attend the Renaissance Festival
68 -
Write a Living Will and have it notarized...
69 -
Create an Advanced Directive for Richard and I...
70 - Re-alphabetize my DVD
collection... It is driving me crazy NOT being in order...
Completed 7/12/2013
71 - Fly a lighted
candle for my Mama and Grandpa Strauss... I sure do miss them
72 - Organize my China cabinet better...
73 - Get the children
passports...
74 - Go visit Heather
in McKinney, TX (watch out girl you made the list)...
75 - Visit my best
friend, Wendy (HOPEFULLY in California)...
76 - Research land possibilities in Westcliffe, CO...
77 - Plan at least 3
FANTASTIC field trips for my Girl Scout troop...
78 - Decide what to do
with Anastasia's room and start prepping it for its future goal when Anastasia
goes off to college... Will it be a guest room? Will it be a hobby room? Maybe
and ACTUAL office for Natasha... The possibilities are endless...
Its fate has been
decided... It will be my domain... My craft room/ office
79 - Scan all of
Richard's medical records into the computer...
Sadly because the hard
drive on my main computer crashed and things did not back up the way they were supposed
to... I'm thinking I have to start over... Ugh
80 - (This is getting
hard) Get an American flag that actually STAYS on the house...
81 - Get Richard to ACTUALLY put the fan up in his office...
YEAH!!! He did it while I was in Seattle
82 - Fix the holes in the walls...
Richard started doing this while I was in
Seattle - We hit some snags and now need the structure of my house looked at
before we can proceed
83 - Get a bracelet that represents each of my three children (or add to one I already have)...
84 - Buy a pair of female jeans (I typically like men's Wranglers)...
85 - Attend a
scrapbooking weekend...
86 - Make 5 different signs to sell on my Cricut...
87 - Make apple
butter...
88 - Take a cooking
class...
89 - Make a cook book for my sister...
In progress... they are
a whole lotta mind thinking questions
91 - Make 5 new
friends...
1 - Michael Gasper
2 - Kristi Seidel
3 - Shannon Aiken
4 -
5 -
92 - Visit South Padre
Island...
93 - Think of something that I love about each of my kids and husband for everyday in a month and give them a card that says this... Use a different month for each person...
Cards are made up...
Just need to write them out
May 2013 - Richard
October 2013- Anastasia
October 2013 - Isabella
October 2013 - Isabella
October 2013 - Devlin
94 - Learn how to sew a dress...
Diana has agreed to
teach me... now I just have to find some time
95 - Get rid of ALL the clothes I currently own... Losing THAT much weight... I won't fit in ANYTHING I currently have...
96 - Find a couch I LOVE!!! This is actually VERY difficult... I wish I had kept mine from California... * Sigh *...
Got it July 2013
97 - Read this list
once a week... AT LEAST!!!
I read it pretty much
every day
98 - For every goal I
do NOT complete... donate $10- to a worthy charity...
99 - For every goal I
complete put $50- into savings...
$550 - 1/1/2014 -
Goals: 6, 7, 19, 36, 42, 46, 48, 59, 70, 81, 96
100 - Finish a puzzle
100 - Finish a puzzle
101 - Create a new 101 in 1001 by October 15th, 2015...
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